• Business
  • Life
  • Celebrity
  • Sport
  • Blog
  • Auto
  • Tech
Stories from SWNS
Advertisement
  • Home
  • News
    IRONING By Navajo

    IRONING By Navajo

    5 Interesting facts about online casinos

    5 Interesting facts about online casinos

    Curses of Cousins by Cliff Bacchus

    Curses of Cousins by Cliff Bacchus

    Operation Bluebird by Harry Old

    Operation Bluebird by Harry Old

    Family miraculously survive huge gas explosion

    Family miraculously survive huge gas explosion

    Deputy Chief Medical Officer’s elderly mum receives her first dose of Covid vaccination

    Deputy Chief Medical Officer’s elderly mum receives her first dose of Covid vaccination

    Trending Tags

    • Trump Inauguration
    • United Stated
    • White House
    • Market Stories
    • Election Results
  • Business
  • Life
    • Celebrity
  • Tech
    Spending More Time Online? How to Make the Most of Your Time

    Spending More Time Online? How to Make the Most of Your Time

    Why Now More Than Ever Healthcare Needs To Go Digital

    Why Now More Than Ever Healthcare Needs To Go Digital

    The Impacts of Technology in the Casino Sector

    The Impacts of Technology in the Casino Sector

    How IoT Is Shaping The Various Aspects Of The Healthcare Industry?

    How IoT Is Shaping The Various Aspects Of The Healthcare Industry?

    How Can Robots Take Their Place in Casinos?

    How Can Robots Take Their Place in Casinos?

    Three Elearning Trends That Point To The Importance Of Mobile Learning Solutions

    Three Elearning Trends That Point To The Importance Of Mobile Learning Solutions

    Trending Tags

    • Nintendo Switch
    • CES 2017
    • Playstation 4 Pro
    • Mark Zuckerberg
  • Review

    The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild gameplay on the Nintendo Switch

    Shadow Tactics: Blades of the Shogun Review

    macOS Sierra review: Mac users get a modest update this year

    Hands on: Samsung Galaxy A5 2017 review

    The Last Guardian Playstation 4 Game review

    Intel Core i7-7700K ‘Kaby Lake’ review

No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • News
    IRONING By Navajo

    IRONING By Navajo

    5 Interesting facts about online casinos

    5 Interesting facts about online casinos

    Curses of Cousins by Cliff Bacchus

    Curses of Cousins by Cliff Bacchus

    Operation Bluebird by Harry Old

    Operation Bluebird by Harry Old

    Family miraculously survive huge gas explosion

    Family miraculously survive huge gas explosion

    Deputy Chief Medical Officer’s elderly mum receives her first dose of Covid vaccination

    Deputy Chief Medical Officer’s elderly mum receives her first dose of Covid vaccination

    Trending Tags

    • Trump Inauguration
    • United Stated
    • White House
    • Market Stories
    • Election Results
  • Business
  • Life
    • Celebrity
  • Tech
    Spending More Time Online? How to Make the Most of Your Time

    Spending More Time Online? How to Make the Most of Your Time

    Why Now More Than Ever Healthcare Needs To Go Digital

    Why Now More Than Ever Healthcare Needs To Go Digital

    The Impacts of Technology in the Casino Sector

    The Impacts of Technology in the Casino Sector

    How IoT Is Shaping The Various Aspects Of The Healthcare Industry?

    How IoT Is Shaping The Various Aspects Of The Healthcare Industry?

    How Can Robots Take Their Place in Casinos?

    How Can Robots Take Their Place in Casinos?

    Three Elearning Trends That Point To The Importance Of Mobile Learning Solutions

    Three Elearning Trends That Point To The Importance Of Mobile Learning Solutions

    Trending Tags

    • Nintendo Switch
    • CES 2017
    • Playstation 4 Pro
    • Mark Zuckerberg
  • Review

    The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild gameplay on the Nintendo Switch

    Shadow Tactics: Blades of the Shogun Review

    macOS Sierra review: Mac users get a modest update this year

    Hands on: Samsung Galaxy A5 2017 review

    The Last Guardian Playstation 4 Game review

    Intel Core i7-7700K ‘Kaby Lake’ review

No Result
View All Result
Stories from SWNS
No Result
View All Result
Home News

Black armbands for a hedgehog and goalies eating chips: Just some of the spoof letters a fan sent to dozens of top football clubs

by
November 30, 2012
in News
0
Fraser Syme author of 'My Book of Absurd Letters to British Football Clubs, at his typewriter where he created the spoof correspondence

Fraser Syme author of 'My Book of Absurd Letters to British Football Clubs, at his typewriter where he created the spoof correspondence

0
SHARES
2
VIEWS
Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

A fun-loving football fan is in a league of his own after writing a book featuring his crazy correspondence with clubs.

In one loopy letter, Fraser Syme writing as his alter-ego Struan J Marjoribanks, asked Scottish club Morton FC if players could wear black armbands in memory of a hedgehog he ran over on his way to a match.

The club politely declined the request but sent details of a “specialised hedgehog unit at a local wildlife rescue centre”.

Fraser Syme author of 'My Book of Absurd Letters to British Football Clubs, at his typewriter where he created the spoof correspondence
Fraser Syme author of ‘My Book of Absurd Letters to British Football Clubs, at his typewriter where he created the spoof correspondence

In another, he offered Celtic youth players work experience in his soup factory – “to show them where they would end up if they don’t work sufficiently hard at their game”.

The club replied:  “Your idea of accepting our youth players on work experience in your soup factory has some worth but we are unfortunately not in a position to move forward with this at the present time.”

And he had archivists at Hearts scratching their heads when he asked them to investigate the distant memories of an elderly aunt who claimed a goalie from the 1930s once took to the field eating a bag of chips.

The club’s historian wrote back: “It is a very interesting story but I cannot confirm that it actually happened.

“I took the opportunity to ask my Archives Group members and one or two supporters who are into everything ‘Hearts’, again no one had heard the story.

Are you a football fan, too? Bet on a fantasy Premier League competition

A reply which Fraser Syme author of 'My Book of Absurd Letters to British Football Clubs recieved from Arsenal FC
A reply which Fraser Syme author of ‘My Book of Absurd Letters to British Football Clubs received from Arsenal FC

“All we could come up with was that our goal-keeper at that time – Willie Waugh – was considered a bit of a rebel.”

Timewasting civil servant Fraser, 36, who lives near Paisley, Scotland, said: “I think humour is a massive part of British football.

“This started out as a bit of an email joke between me and a friend when I was really bored in a job at an investment bank in Glasgow a few years ago.

“I started sending out the letters – or rather Struan J Marjoribanks did – sometime in 2008 and I’ve been doing it on and off ever since.”

A letter sent to Celtic in which Fraser offers youth players work experience at his soup factory
A letter sent to Celtic in which Fraser offers youth players work experience at his soup factory
A reply to a funny letter that Fraser sent to Chelsea FC
A reply to a funny letter that Fraser sent to Chelsea FC

In one letter to Chelsea, Marjoribanks said his team of chefs had produced a smoked eel and fennel broth which he proposed should become the club’s “official soup”.

He received a reply which said his letter had been “passed on to our head of catering, who will be in contact with you should this be of interest”.

Fraser said:  “The replies vary a lot.  Some clubs obviously just felt obliged to reply and sent back a stock response but others really went along with it.

“The correspondence from Hearts is brilliant – the archivist came back with all this info about Willie Waugh, a goalie from the 1930s, on the basis of one bogus claim from my made-up auntie claiming to have seen a goalie running on to the field with a bag of chips.”

But Fraser’s cover was almost blown when he wrote to Dundee FC, asking if his auntie’s budgie’s ashes could be scattered over Dens Park.

He said:  “The club came back and said they were quite happy to comply and even offered to send a representative round to pick up the ashes.  I had to say Auntie Jess had changed her mind.”

‘My Book of Absurd Letters to British Football Clubs by Struan J Marjoribanks’ will be published by Cargo next year.


Previous Post

Chocolate PC-nuts, please! Former Met cop gives up policing to open UK’s only vegetarian sweet shop

Next Post

Policeman cleared of racism after calling black man a ‘monkey’ now faces gross misconduct case

Next Post

Policeman cleared of racism after calling black man a 'monkey' now faces gross misconduct case

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Stay Connected test

  • 81 Followers
  • 43k Followers
  • 108k Subscribers
  • 22.9k Followers
  • 99 Subscribers
  • Trending
  • Comments
  • Latest
Women love cheesy chat up lines, a study has revealed

Top 20 cheesy chat-up lines ladies really love

March 5, 2014
The top ten most well-known bingo phrases

The top ten most well-known bingo phrases

January 21, 2014
The horses thunder towards a jump at the Grand National

Amazing racehorse names which never made it

April 23, 2014
HGH Injections Brands: Which Ones Are Best?

HGH Injections Brands: Which Ones Are Best?

January 14, 2019
Chris Fear, 33, outside the Coral betting shop which is refusing to pay out on his 485/1 winning bet

Boycott Coral! Bookmaker faces protest after refusing to pay out on a football fan’s 485/1 bet

184
Women love cheesy chat up lines, a study has revealed

Top 20 cheesy chat-up lines ladies really love

147
Women feel invisible to the opposite sex at the age of 51, researchers found

Women begin feeling invisible to men ‘when they turn 51’

138
UKIP candidate claims Jews murdered each other in the Holocaust in masterplan to create State of Israel

UKIP candidate claims Jews murdered each other in the Holocaust in masterplan to create State of Israel

105
IRONING By Navajo

IRONING By Navajo

March 2, 2021
Top 5 RTG Games to Try in Online Casinos

Top 5 RTG Games to Try in Online Casinos

February 25, 2021
How to choose a lawyer in Latvia?

How to choose a lawyer in Latvia?

February 23, 2021
3 Simple Luxuries That Can Transform Your Daily Routine

3 Simple Luxuries That Can Transform Your Daily Routine

February 22, 2021

Recent News

IRONING By Navajo

IRONING By Navajo

March 2, 2021
Top 5 RTG Games to Try in Online Casinos

Top 5 RTG Games to Try in Online Casinos

February 25, 2021
How to choose a lawyer in Latvia?

How to choose a lawyer in Latvia?

February 23, 2021
3 Simple Luxuries That Can Transform Your Daily Routine

3 Simple Luxuries That Can Transform Your Daily Routine

February 22, 2021
SWNS

SWNS all rights reserved. Copyright 2020

Follow Us

Browse by Category

  • Auto
  • Blog
  • Business
  • Celebrity
  • Gaming
  • Life
  • Lifestyle
  • News
  • Pictures
  • Property
  • Review
  • Sport
  • SWNS
  • Tech
  • Travel
  • Uncategorized

Recent News

IRONING By Navajo

IRONING By Navajo

March 2, 2021
Top 5 RTG Games to Try in Online Casinos

Top 5 RTG Games to Try in Online Casinos

February 25, 2021
  • About
  • Advertise
  • Privacy & Policy
  • Contact

Real Fix is a trading style of South West News Service Limited.
Copyright © 2020 South West News Service Limited.

No Result
View All Result
  • Business
  • Life
  • Celebrity
  • Sport
  • Blog
  • Auto
  • Tech

Real Fix is a trading style of South West News Service Limited.
Copyright © 2020 South West News Service Limited.