Comedian Tim Vine has won the award for funniest joke at this year’s Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
The 43-year-old funnyman took a staggering 40 per cent of the overall votes with his one-liner: “I’ve just been on a once in a lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what. Never again.”
Second place went to David Gibson playing his character Ray Green with: “I’m currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone.”
Emo Philips was awarded third place with: “I picked up a hitch hiker. You gotta when you hit them.”
Judges for the Dave Joke of the Fringe sat through an average of 60 different comedy performances and sifted through more than 3,600 minutes of material – hearing more than 7,200 jokes and put-downs.
On winning his award, Vine said: “I am very happy to win this award and I’m going to celebrate by going to Sooty’s barbecue and having a sweep steak”.
For every cracker at the festival there was a joke which bombed with judges. Sara Pascoe’s “Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side,” was picked out for a particular slating.
Running since 1947, the Edinburgh Fringe takes place over August each year and features theatre, music, dance and comedy which makes up 35 per cent of the festival.
This year’s show featured 34,265 performances of 2,098 shows in 265 venues.
The Top 10 funniest jokes from the Fringe Festival
Tim Vine: “I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”
David Gibson as Ray Green: “I’m currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone.”
Emo Philips:“I picked up a hitch hiker. You gotta when you hit them.”
Jack Whitehall:“I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say “bought” – I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.”
Gary Delaney: “As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog.”
John Bishop: “Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.”
Bo Burnham: “What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.”
Gary Delaney: “Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it’s what he would have wanted.”
Robert White: “For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: empty.”
Gareth Richards: “Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food, or if you can’t be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…”
The Top 10 howlers from the Fringe Festival
Sara Pascoe:“Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side.”
Sean Hughes: “You know city-centre beat officers… Well are they police who rap?”
Gyles Brandreth: “I’ve got nothing against lesbians. I mean, that’s the point isn’t it?”
Doc Brown: “I was born into the music industry. My dad worked in Our Price.”
John Luke Roberts: “I made a Battenberg where the two colours ran alongside each other. I called it apartheid sponge.”
Sarah Millican: “I bought a cross-trainer to keep fit. I suppose that it’s not enough to just buy it.”
Bec Hill: “Some of my best friends are vegan. They were going to come today but they didn’t have the energy to climb up the stairs.”
Dan Antopolski: “How many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb? Juan.”
Andi Osho: “Floella Benjamin is in the House of Lords. How did she get in, through the round window?”
Gareth Richards: “My mother is always taking photographs of me; she said if you disappear tomorrow I want you to look good on the news.”
