Easily offended readers, look away now. Readers who’d like to raise their pulling game or get an insight into the sexually-charged workings of the young male mind, read on.
Sexcellence: The Sex Spreadsheet is the sex autobiography of one Rex Wood (either a pen name or a very fitting surname), who chronicles his racy life and times thus far.
This plain-talking British Romeo has slept with over 100 girls, and, in order to preserve the memory of these encounters, he began listing the girls, their attributes, what was going through his mind at the time, and the overall experience on a detailed ‘sex spreadsheet’.
As with any spreadsheet, the resulting document provided trends and insights into Wood’s efforts and the outcomes.
He has now turned this catalogue of sexsploits into a book, detailing the first 68 liaisons (which combined with the header row equals 69, and is a cheeky numerical in-joke) for the benefit of any male reader who would love to emulate his sexual success
It is also aimed at female readers who want to understand just what typically goes through a bloke’s mind when he is on the pursuit.
As well as recounting his sex adventures in frank and explicit detail, with chapters replaced by ‘rows’ to maintain the spreadsheet theme, Wood offers a running commentary packed with tried-and-tested advice on how the average guy on the street can, if he so wishes, experience the same sexual success as he has.
These tips cover many different situations the would-be Casanova could find themselves in, as well as psychological observations and general instructions, such as the role of a wingman and how to pick them or what to do when the lady being wooed is accompanied by a less-than-impressed friend.
His main point in this regards is that charm and confidence, rather than good looks and the body of an Adonis, are the winning combination when it comes to being a lady’s man. Indeed, he freely admits that he’s a charmer who has learned through practice how to engage with the opposite sex, rather than being drop-dead gorgeous.
One thing that’s worth pointing out is that, while some ‘how to pull’ guides treat women as little more than live sex dolls, Wood – to his credit – does display a genuine respect for the ladies he has his adventures with. He is not some shallow narcissist who is only concerned with his own pleasure. Instead, he comes across as a dirty-talking gentleman who is intent on making sure that every night to remember is shared equally by both participants.
Likewise, he explains from the start that the book’s undoubted crude language is simply part of the macho bravado and not meant to belittle or offend women. As a woman reviewer, I can honestly say that I wasn’t insulted or shocked by his prose, which just reflects his candid personality and thrill of the chase.
After beginning by detailing his entry into the world of sex prior to starting university — described as the ‘Summer of Lucy’ — and the making of his consensual ‘Candy Shop’ sex video that swiftly earned him a reputation as a player early on in his sexual ‘career’, Wood talks readers through the 99 experiences that have followed.
At first he has an ‘anything goes’ approach to making the most of life on campus but, refreshingly, he frankly admits when there were between-the-sheets situations that he came to regret as he grew older. The game-for-anything attitude exemplified by those earlier encounters is slowly replaced by a more balanced view.
The author’s growing maturity is also evident in the changes to his modus operandi. Over time, vodka drinking becomes more about Grey Goose than Smirnoff, and his sexploits more likely to involve parties in exclusive clubs and high-rolling trips to Vegas than pulling at the Freshers’ Ball.
By the end of the book it becomes clear that Wood is now in a long-term relationship, and is very much enjoying monogamy now that he has found the girl of his dreams. Unlike the other girls listed in the book (first names only, so no risk of identification), Wood was shot down in flames the first time he tried to woo her and had to wait three years for his second chance.
This book will not be for the prude, but if you are single and relish carnal delights as much as the author clearly does then it should prove an insightful and entertaining read.
Sexcellence: The Sex Spreadsheet by Rex Wood (X) is out now, priced £7.99 in Kindle edition and £10.80 in paperback. Visit Amazon UK